September 1, 2017

One Year Old.

And in what seems like a breath of a year, my baby boy is one. I am going between weepy/emotional to excited all in one day. It happened like everyone told me it would, it passed by in a blur. I really can’t fathom how fast these year has flown by. It seems as if just yesterday, I held my sweet, snuggly newborn for the first time. And now, here we are an entire year later and I love him even more than I did then.

Benaiah, it is such a joy to be your mother. I am so thankful that God chose me, despite all my flaws, to raise you, love you, and train you. I love your curious brain, your passion for life, your obsession with bananas and blueberries, your ‘kisses,’ smirks, giggles, and Pterodactyl noises. I’m overwhelmed with this deep love for you that can only be explained as that innate, God made, motherly love. You are forever a part of me, but my prayer for you is that you will become better than me. More loving. More gracious. More passionate. More bold. More courageous. More kind. More sincere. More zealous. More selfless.

My deepest desire, son, is for you to know Jesus and love Him with all your heart and with all your soul. If you get that right, everything else will fall into place. Knowing Jesus doesn’t necessarily mean life will be easy, but it will be worth it. Follow Jesus because He is good, because he is worthy of your life, as He is mine. He loves you more than I ever could and will guide you.

I am so proud of all the new things you are learning at such a young age. Your determination is hilarious to watch and I love the way you bring a smile to people’s faces. Even though you are now, not going to be technically a ‘baby’ anymore, you will always be my baby. My firstborn. My son. My mighty warrior. You were named after a man who was a mighty warrior in King David’s army and we pray you will be a mighty warrior for the King of Kings. I know you will do big things.

I have learned so many things as your mother. Not only have I learned those ‘must needed’ skills like nursing, and changing diaper explosions, but I’ve also learned to deeply rely on Jesus when I’m beyond the point of physical exhaustion. I’ve learned that I can’t do it all, especially when I rely on my own strength, I’ve learned that I need Jesus more than I already knew and love you more than I thought possible. I’m learning that dirty dishes can wait and that the present moments of snuggles and baby laughs is more important than my agenda.

Thank you, my sweet son, for making me a mother, for making me a better version of myself, and loving me. I wish I could capture these days and store them up in a bottle and relive them over and over again. But, because I can’t, I am choosing savor the moments, live fully in the present, soak in every snuggle, every time you want me to hold you, because one day, you will be big and I won’t be hold you. So, until that time comes, my son, let’s snuggle, let’s read stories, and soak in these days.