My Food Story – 7 Years in the Making

I find it funny that we have so many different thoughts on how to approach the subject of food. Food seems like it should be simple, but often times, it is such a complicated, emotional, and stressful topic for many people. And that makes me sad, because I’ve felt that way before too and I want to encourage you that food doesn’t have to be that way. Through my experience with a couple mindset shifts, food doesn’t have to be this overwhelming, taboo subject it so often is. And today, I wanted to share with you a little bit into my story of how my mindset has changed over the years, regarding food.

Back in 2011-2012, my very much non athletic self started taking a gymnastic class. I really believe that gymnastic class helped spur me onto finding ways I actually enjoyed moving and soon after, I found running in summer of 2012. Once I started running, I didn’t look back and slowly I became obsessed with it. I read articles, blogs, magazines and anything else I could find on the topic of running (I still do this to this day.) Once I started running, I also started to lose some weight. I felt better and I took more notice of just how I was eating. I decided to start replacing my instant ramen noodle cup (still can’t believe I did that) that I ate for breakfast with a bowl of oatmeal, I started cleaning up my lunches and shrinking my portion sizes at dinner. Soon, weight started to fall off my body and I started to develop a deep fear of food. I saw food as either ‘good,’ and ‘bad.’ Throughout the next couple of years, my good food lists shrunk down to only a few ‘clean,’ foods (i.e. bananas, cottage cheese, veggies, sweet potatoes, and oatmeal) and my ‘bad,’ food lists started growing (pretty much anything with over 100 calories per serving. YIKES.)

A couple years later, summer of 2014, the Lord really brought me out of my eating disorder, I gained the weight back, and found food again. I started enjoying food again and maybe a little too much. I enjoyed lots of handfuls of banana chips throughout the day and a couple extra spoonfuls of peanut butter with whole milk before bed. I ate cookies and ice cream and pizza without regret and it was so freeing. I gained a little extra weight than I really needed too, but I didn’t really care (and still don’t care about it to this day.) that season of my life was healing, restorative, and exactly what I needed at that time in my life. I viewed food as an experience and saw it as something that I had deprived myself of long enough, so I enjoyed it – without too much reservation. I definitely didn’t binge or lose control, but I didn’t prioritize nutrition as much, for fear of returning to old ways.

Fast forward again two more years, and I got married, got pregnant, and had Benaiah. I decided post-baby that I wanted to chase down my big goal of running a marathon and took extra time to look at and grow in nutrition. I dove deep into what nutrition really looks like (more than just the ‘don’t eat this and replace it with this,’ articles you find on Facebook) and read books on veganism, the Paleo diet, and more. I read articles on carb cycling, listened to podcast on nutrition, and watched documentaries on the food industry. And I learned so much.

Looking back to that girl in 2011, I’ve seen how much I’ve grown. From someone who used to eat ramen noodles for breakfast, to then plain oatmeal, to salty oatmeal (pregnancy cravings…) and now to my giant, green smoothies, I’ve grown in my knowledge of food. I no longer see food as ‘good,’ or ‘bad,’ and certainly, my mindset on food has changed – drastically. And as I balance out having massive athletic and running goals, I also see food as a great tool, a great secret weapon in the athletic world that can give me the edge I need to recover faster, run longer, and grow stronger. I’ve learned that food is as much of an experience as it is a vital part of our days. I’ve learned that food and nutrition is key to reaching fitness potential and that prioritizing deep, rich, nutrient dense foods makes me feel good. I’ve learned how I feel better when I practice moderation, while not denying foods out of fear. And even through all of this learning, the one thing I know is that I am still learning. And changing. And growing.

But, I do think that if we can shift of thinking that food is simply all for pleasure to that food is equally for pleasure and for nourishment that we can unlock something special. Food shouldn’t be feared, but it shouldn’t be underutilized or abused. If we can see just how important proper fueling is for our whole beings and our fitness goals, I think we will be all the more eager to learn, to implement, and to eat things that truly do nourish the body (while still tasting amazing, too.)

So, this season, as I recover from my injury and focus on building a solid base and loving my family, and running a business, and pouring into my friends, I see food as a good thing. It is good. And I know what fuels me well, what works for my body, and what will positively impact my running performance. And so I will eat those foods and nourish my body with those (often times labeled ‘clean,’) foods because it IS good and I know how it impacts my body and I genuinely enjoy it. While yet, still enjoying my favorite coconut milk ice cream and hot bowls of popcorn with a movie. Because, while food is nourishment and important and a priority for my (our) goals and lifestyle, it is still yet, an experience and I don’t want to miss making hot apple pie with Benaiah or homemade ice cream with my mom or homemade pizza with friends. Because life is too short to not experience and yet, it is also too short to not live, well.